I'm a little excited.
One day before New Year's Eve 2024, I'm sitting at my desk, sipping cocoa from the mug my nephew picked out for me. “Favorite person” is written on it.
Delicious Würzburg honey from my sister to go with it.
The incense stick from the lovely woman from the Ganesha store next door is glowing.
And the infrared lamp is shining in my face to give me at least a little illusion of sunshine.
But I don't want to get too cozy, because I have a few “resolutions”.
And I know from experience how quickly I can throw my plans overboard.
Many people say it's better to take small steps rather than big leaps.
How can I implement my plans successfully this year?
I'm of the opinion that “Tough Love” is somehow the best approach for me.
This means being strict and consistent with myself, but not beating myself up afterwards if things don't work out (e.g. with words like: “You failed!”).
But to be loving anyway, like an unconditionally loving mother.
We do things for 3 reasons: To stop severe suffering, to avoid suffering or out of love / self-love
That is my experience & observation.
High levels of suffering are like a motor, like an animal with a sting that chases us.
When people have suffered a lot before, they usually make sure that it doesn't happen again when they overcome.
Physical and mental illnesses, discomfort in one's own body, daily pain and interpersonal problems can drive people mad.
Everyone is driven by something different. If we have a great desire but it seems unattainable, it can also be suffering from a sense of lack.
It can also be subtle things - e.g. the feeling that something is wrong with you or general dissatisfaction.
Love for other people can also mobilize forces within us that we didn't know we had. Impending praise and compliments are also super effective.
A “Hey, you look great, what have you done?” goes down like butter.
Sometimes people just want to impress others and boost their reputation. It can also be that we think that others have expectations of us.
In order to avoid being deprived of love, we often try to fulfill these often not so “true” or “high” expectations.
I think the freer I can be from external concepts and constructs, the better. Otherwise I can hardly hear this inner voice and my heart.
Resolutions only work if your mindset turns 180°
My personal favorite technique is to “pull myself away” from things when I want to give up a habit.
I was addicted to coffee for a few years and then watched so much information and documentaries until I found it disgusting. Because like many things, coffee has a long, sometimes unpleasant history and a lot of money behind it. It also didn't make me any more alert or healthier. Coffee has its good points, but I personally no longer wanted it to be my first thought in the morning.
The research out of disgust also helped me a lot in my transition to a vegan lifestyle and a now alcohol-free life. It all took me a few years. Otherwise, substitutes and distractions also help, of course, until you realize you don't really need them.
That's exactly what I would do with sweets, potato chips, social media, cigarettes and P.ornos if I were addicted to them. I would find out so much about the psychology and consequences behind it until I didn't feel like it anymore. Because there are institutions and people who profit massively from our addictions.
Go through all the scenarios in your head beforehand -
when you want to give up a habit that no longer serves you.
When would you find it difficult to give up this one thing? When would you become weak? Why? In the car, on vacation, with friends...
Imagine that you would replace it at that moment. Make your position clear beforehand. Think of it as a test from the universe.
It will become easier for you with every renunciation situation! Write in a habit diary every evening and record your emotions from the day. The title of the diary is the one thing you want to master.
Yin and Yang
In order to let go of an old habit or integrate a new one into our lives, we also need a balance of male and female energy within us. Regardless of gender.
The feminine energy within us is our creative flow and full openness to the moment.
The masculine energy in us wants to plan, organize, has an overview of everything and keeps the room strong, no matter what may come. When we lack the masculine component, the feminine energy feels insecure. This can manifest itself through addictions & certain habits. Due to the “missing” masculine, we are not consistent.
More in the masculine than feminine energy, people are too strict and hard on themselves and others. They want to create moments where they can just let themselves go, which is a feminine component. Addictions can be an outlet for this.
Even if it sounds strange - sometimes we also have to learn to be a mother and a father to ourselves.
Make success easier
Thrive in Stillness - you may already know that it is usually better not to share your plans with anyone other than your partner (who hopefully supports you 100%).
Another exception is a group that has the same goals as you.
The reason for this is that other people might consciously or unconsciously project their own limitations and doubts onto you because they have never achieved anything like this themselves.
It's also a good thing to step away from all social media platforms for as long as you can. YouTube could be a motivation for you if the content is related to your goal.
One of my projects for this year is to read books.
As a child, I always admired my mom for being a bookworm and being able to immerse herself in them.
Maybe you'd like to join in, rethink your habits, start a new project and work on your wishes with tough love.
Take them seriously, take yourself seriously - none of us know how much longer we can do all this!
You can start at any time, but the new year naturally holds a lot of new start energy in the collective of all people.
No matter when you read this: You've already come a long way and I wish you every success and the right people for all your heartfelt projects & goals ♡
As Jenny Dinovi from Brave Soul's Podcast says: ”
“When we go all-in on something, we achieve things we didn't think possible before. You're not lazy, you're distracted by 1000 other things, like social media. Gather your energy and focus it like a laser on your project. Not 10, but one.”
Much love, Chantal ❤️🔥🙏🏼
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